Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Intentional Lack of integrity and the Hurt it causes..

Seriously what is wrong with people!

 How could one family lie and steal from another family knowing they would create a hardship...I just don't understand...and the saddest part is they put my son in the middle of it.

A's bio dad has NEVER I mean NEVER EVER contributed to his life financially...Because of my sons behavior(which he blamed on not knowing his real dad), I contacted the BIO to put the past behind us and to move forward to help A.

BIO is a control nut and abusive when he does not get his way...It is why I am not with him. he has done nothing but interfere with A and I to have a relationship. Interjecting on phone calls, telling A to stop talking to me about that or "move your conversation along", and even making him hang up on me. (they do try and say its all A, but I know my sons language level..pleeease I know when my son is being coached to say something!)

I don't blame A for not wanting to make his BIO mad, he is crazy and has no self control..but A at this time wants to still be there..sigh...

I tried very hard to be supportive of BIOs wife, because A needs to have good relationships with those he is living and sharing his life with. I was a fool to think that as a Mother who has an EX and similiar problems would help buffer the BIOs interfrence..

I WAS WRONG!! she does not care about what is best for A (which is to have healthy realtionships with both of his parents), side note she like to control and decide what she thinks is healthy..i am not allowed to have conversations with A that may upset him..she mean really means BIO. She is only concerned with keeping BIO happy and minimizing his out of control behavior...

He puts one hand on my A and I promise you he wont see the light of day..but at this point they are 1900 miles away and A still wants to be there and they are reusing to send him home..sigh..

We (his wife and I) came up with a parenting plans and schedule..well they have done nothing but lie and manipulate and use A to do it to not follow it.

There have been red flags and proof of lying but for A's sake I have kept my mouth shut and pray A comes to open his eyes that it is not me using him as a pawn it is them...

It doesn't matter what I say they have the influence over him, BIO thinks he is god (little g) and can do whatever he wants and his wife is now trying to replace me and in her mind thinks she is A's mom.

A will be 18 in three short years..he promised he would come home to visit and says his BIO would never not make him come...well no, BIO is to manipulating to come out and say "no you cant go". He would use his wife and step children to create a reason that if A came he would miss out on this or that, and make him feel like they would be so heart broken if he left...(I got 10 of these phone calls already trying to cancel spring break visit)

I believe BIO is not physically abusive as he once was but he has always been a master at manipulation using verbal/emotional abuse.

Truth is I think they know A would not go back if he came home for a visit.

Back to the parenting plan and the latest hurt...They knew and the wife and I talked and they know they had NO LEGAL RIGHT to claim A on their taxes and they did and they tried to lie about and manipulated A into being part of it..

Wife calls me AFTER we are very clear that we would be claiming A on our taxes..asking her "Tax Guy" aka BIO...wanted to put A down but not claim him..umm NO, we both can not use is SS# and it would cause problems..oh ok I just wanted to check..(yeah right)

Week later..A calls asking me did i file yet..what did I plan to do with the money..etc. REALLY!?!? A never in his life has ever questioned taxes or returns...

Week to 2 later we E-file and are REJECTED!!! why because they are liars and thieves!

The sad thing is when I was getting those phone calls not ONCE did I think they where up to something and I should of..I am so sick of people who take advantage of me because I am naturally honest and unsuspecting of how cruel people can be with motives.

I openly will talk with anyone and share info..they know my husband has worked 2 full time jobs 90+ hours a week for 5 years..the little money we did get back was going to 1. pay for A's way here for his schedule visit for spring break, 2. start a savings for his big 16 which he is scheduled to be with us and 3. give us the funds we needed to move to a smaller house and decrease our living expenses so much that my husband would no longer "have" to work a second job. (which I shared with the Wife)

So I am learning I need more wisdom when dealing with any kind of relationship I have and sensor what I share ( which now a blog contradicts..confusing myself enough already)

And it is a shame to feel like you have to question peoples motives all the time..that in itself requires more hours and energy then my husbands two jobs together..

I will be using HardCore Taxes located here in Henderson NV (can find them on FB) to make sure we correctly follow whatever the IRS needs us to do through this process.

So what I am learning from this on the inside..(because on the outside I just want to hurt someone for messing with my family and using my A to do it!)

God is forever faithful, and even though we had this financial plan, God has His and when His way is done it is so much way better then mine.

Forgiveness..this one is tuff, this act against us was below the belt and personal..I would NEVER harm another family to get ahead.

My A..letting go...this is the tuffest for me. He wants me to sign paternity giving BIO equal rights with no court order of custody or visitation..(this requires a post of its own later)..this is a process I wont proceed with until the IRS mess is settled.

Revenge,,this goes alongside with forgiveness..I am really struggling in my blog is insignificant, only you few reading it have access to it..I am sure someone could try and google and find it if they knew it was here but as far as I know they don't... My point is what I really want to do is publicly on facebook, their pages and mine copy and paste the texts, and the proof of all their lies and that they are thief's..I want as many people to know they they did such a horrible thing to this family...sigh..but in my heart, that still small is not what I really want to do or what needs to be done.

I want to forgive and let God take care of it..Romans 12:9 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

Leviticus 19:18 "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.

Deuteronomy 32:35 It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them."

and good ole Proverbs.

.Proverbs 20:22 Do not say, "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

Proverbs 24:29 Do not say, "I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did."

that is just a small sampling of that reminder..

So what steps can I do to live this, Pray for help to forgive and for wisdom with A, Share my grief and disappointment with trusted family and friends for support(what my private blog is for)..not to add to my army of enemies against mine.. (so please pray for A and this family and for Gods plan to shine, not just with this tax situation but for them and influences in A's life), follow what legal rights I have within the law to do so...and live my life..note to self..don't let this eat you and take over your mind and energy..don't give in..keep one foot in front of the other with your head held high...and please do not beat yourself up for wanting to trust the best in people and remember God loves them too.

Please take time today to also pray for other families who are affected in harmful ways by non-custodial parents (even custodial ones) sampling of my story turns out is one in millions..its very heartbreaking and sad..but in the end pray for the children because this type of behavior hurts them the most.

From the Inside Out...

1 comment:

  1. Did you ever ask him to support or did you tell him you did not need it?