Saturday, July 28, 2012

Trapped Within

Well since my (not) so shocking weigh in recently I have continued on a downward spiral of feeling sorry for myself. I am hoping my menstrual has a lot to do with my emotional/depression state as it is a huge culprit monthly. It is the most difficult time of the month that I struggle the most with emotional/binge eating and fatigue/depression symptoms.

However, it's not the main culprit of pushing up and over 230lbs. So how have I dealt, by shutting down and eating chocolate icing by the spoonfuls from the fridge :<

I know this only further hurts me and does ZERO to help me, but that's the sick thing about it.

I joked earlier today at a pool/potluck party. (which I had to wear pajamas because I can't fit into anything else) That I was going to eat my way to 250lbs where I might get mad enough to turn around and start going in the right direction.

Why do we do that to ourselves?? I don't understand why there is this need to further punish ourselves before we pick ourselves up, dust off and move forward in the right direction.

I guess I have a lot of "inside" figuring out before I can do anything on the outside.

Feeling Trapped From the Inside...

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