On October 9th I reached Pebble Moment #9!! :)
Pebble Moment #9 was achieved through feelings of fear and anxiety I was experiencing. i have pebble moments on my list that I very much look forward to with no fear and with ton of enthusiasm, some not so much.
That is why they are on there, to face fears and experience life even if only just once (one day I will add a plane ride :P) I recently signed up for the Warrior Dash, it will be the first time this race will be in Las Vegas. I originally had it on my list for year 2013 but for personal reasons I decided to go for it. I have mixed feelings about this pebble moment. I look forward to the event. My fear is not for the course itself it is about my body and my self esteem.
A fear that I will be embarrassed by my performance, be the biggest person out there, the most out of shape, that I will have to walk around the wall climb because I can not climb up and over, etc..
I wish my self esteem would increase at the rate of my inches or lbs decreasing, but truth is I will probably always be in recovery of self esteem and self doubt issues.
So what do you do...find something else I am afraid of and do it. So that is what I did. I thought about my list and new I needed to move my body that night and I have been feeling bored with just walking so I remembered I have rollerblading on there.
Rollerblading is very scary to me especially if you figure in uncontrollable variables into the mix. (out side a skating rink) hills, gravel, traffic, uneven road etc. The thought of falling well, that is scary too. I am a mom of five I can not be laid up in bed that would be disastrous..seriously..
Well my oldest and I dropped the girls off at cheer and headed to a nearby school with an empty parking lot. It had the most perfect view of Las Vegas strip and only one way in loop around and one way out. Only thing is it does have an incline on both sides. I stuck to the middle mostly till I felt warm and not all stiff and my son helped (saved my life) my first attempt at going down the incline to loop around.
by the end of our 1 hour 15 minute skate session I felt great. Hit a few walls but it was so fun skating with him and seeing all the Vegas lights. It was evening time but the parking lot had lots of lighting and since it is fairly new it was pretty smooth with little debris.
Not only did I feel physically stronger and capable but I felt mentally stronger just conquering something I feared due to the "what ifs" and I realized that is all I was projecting about the Warrior Dash..the "what ifs" and of course just all the negative ones at that.
So What if I get over that wall?, What if I do finish? What if I do complete all 12 obstacles? What if I have fun and create a memory I will never forget? What if I inspire my kids? What if I live life!?...I like those "What ifs" a lot more!
I told my son last night in a conversation about something he didn't want to change in his life because he would be quitting. ( but by not quitting he was actually doing more harm to his future). I told him he was not a quitter or a failure because he tried something and turned out it was not for him. That it was better to try things in life and find out it is not the right thing/time for you then to try nothing at all. Pretty good advice I must say...I'm going to take it!
T minus 9 days till Warrior Dash!!
Trying to live fearless From the Inside Out....